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The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think.
Gigerenzer\'s Law of Indispensable Ignorance: The world cannot function without partially ignorant people.
But at my back I always hear Time\'s winged chariot hurrying near.
Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
Always do right- this will gratify some and astonish the rest.
We don\'t like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out.
The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.
University politics are vicious precisely because the stakes are so small.
Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.
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Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
A single death is a tragedy, a million deaths is a statistic.
The purpose of computing is not numbers but insight.
Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.
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Under conditions of competition, standards are set by the morally least reputable agent.
Always go to other people\'s funerals, otherwise they won\'t come to yours.
Argue for your limitations, and sure enough they\'re yours.
Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung.
The best way to predict the future is to invent it.
Write a wise word and your name will live forever.
So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me
A radioactive cat has eighteen half-lives.
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
Machine. Unexpectedly, I\'d invented a time
I know that there are people in this world who do not love their fellow human beings, and I hate people like that.
Ah, you know the type. They like to blame it all on the Jews or the Blacks, \'cause if they couldn\'t, they\'d have to wake up to the fact that life\'s one big, scary, glorious, complex and ultimately unfathomable crapshoot -- and the only reason THEY can\'t seem to keep up is they\'re a bunch of misfits and losers.
Outside of a dog, a book is man\'s best friend. Inside of a dog, it\'s too dark to read.
Having the source code is the difference between buying a house and renting an apartment.
Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proven it correct, not tried it.
Men are not disturbed by things, but the view they take of things.
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I\'d give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.
A camel is a horse designed by a committee
Computers can figure out all kinds of problems, except the things in the world that just don\'t add up.
They show you how detergents take out bloodstains. I think if you\'ve got a T-shirt with bloodstains all over it, maybe your laundry isn\'t your biggest problem.
If it weren\'t for electricity we\'d all be watching television by candlelight.
I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five, it\'s fantastic.
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you\'ll be happy; if not, you\'ll become a philosopher.
It has become appallingly obvious that our technology has exceeded our humanity.
It is practically imposible to teach good programming to students that have had a prior exposure to BASIC: as potential programmers they are mentally mutilated beyond hope of regeneration.
In all large corporations, there is a pervasive fear that someone, somewhere is having fun with a computer on company time. Networks help alleviate that fear.
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Before the war is ended, the war party assumes the divine right to denounce and silence all opposition to war as unpatriotic and cowardly.
One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is \'to be prepared\'.
The difference between what the most and the least learned people know is inexpressibly trivial in relation to that which is unknown.
We all agree that your theory is crazy, but is it crazy enough?
I don\'t even butter my bread; I consider that cooking.
Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo.
My neighbour asked if he could use my lawnmower and I told him of course he could, so long as he didn\'t take it out of my garden.
Just because bulldozers are used to build highways doesn\'t mean bulldozers are the best way to travel on a highway.
In this world, nothing is certain but death and taxes.
Too many pieces of music finish too long after the end.
The President has kept all of the promises he intended to keep.
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Java, the best argument for Smalltalk since C++.
TV is called a medium because it is neither rare nor well done.
The nice thing about egotists is that they don\'t talk about other people.
When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bicycle. Then I realised that the Lord doesn\'t work that way so I stole one and asked Him to forgive me.
They show you how detergents take out bloodstains. I think if you\'ve got a T-shirt with bloodstains all over it, maybe your laundry isn\'t your biggest problem.
The bureaucracy is expanding to meet the needs of an expanding bureaucracy.
In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.
If you give a man a fish, he will eat for today. If you teach him to fish, he\'ll understand why some people think golf is exciting.
I choose a block of marble and chop off whatever I don\'t need.
Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.
I\'m very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.
Anyone who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits is, of course, in a state of sin.
We need either less corruption or more chance to participate in it.
Democracy is where you can say what you think even if you don\'t think.
I have yet to meet a C compiler that is more friendly and easier to use than eating soup with a knife.
A terrorist is someone who has a bomb, but doesn\'t have an air force.
Before the war is ended, the war party assumes the divine right to denounce and silence all opposition to war as unpatriotic and cowardly.
War is not the continuation of politics with different means, it is the greatest mass-crime perpetrated on the community of man.
Is it not a strange blindness on our part to teach publicly the techniques of warfare and to reward with medals those who prove to be the most adroit killers?
I\'m very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.
I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died.
If it wasn\'t for lawyers, we wouldn\'t need them.
TV is called a medium because it is neither rare nor well done.
Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe.
All rights left. All lefts reserved. All reserves removed. All removes right.
I have four children which is not bad considering I\'m not a Catholic.
Lohr\'s Law: The future is merely the past with a twist ? and better tools.
For if he like a madman lived, At least he like a wise one died.
Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes
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The nice thing about egotists is that they don\'t talk about other people.
I\'ve just learned about his illness. Let\'s hope it\'s nothing trivial.
I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It\'s pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California.
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Hanlon\'s Razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.
The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney...
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Early to rise and early to bed. Makes a male healthy, wealthy and dead.
Is your argument that the Creator of the Universe was working under a deadline and His manager forced Him to rush inefficient designs into production?
A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.
Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, \'Where have I gone wrong?\' Then a voice says to me, \'This is going to take more than one night.\'
Every nation has its war party. It is not the party of democracy. It is the party of autocracy. It seeks to dominate absolutely.
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True. When your hammer is C++, everything begins to look like a thumb.
The Bible was a consolation to a fellow alone in the old cell. The lovely thin paper with a bit of matress stuffing in it, if you could get a match, was as good a smoke as I ever tasted.
I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
Men have become the tools of their tools.
To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance
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The wit makes fun of other persons; the satirist makes fun of the world; the humorist makes fun of himself.
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I\'ve never seen anyone change his mind because of the power of a superior argument or the acquisition of new facts. But I\'ve seen plenty of people change behavior to avoid being mocked.
Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.
If there痴 one thing I know it痴 God does love a good joke.
Oh for pity\'s sake. HERE. Two pebbles. Two more pebbles. FOUR pebbles. What is WRONG with you people?
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Dying is a very dull, dreary affair. And my advice to you is to have nothing whatever to do with it.
Silence is argument carried out by other means.
A man can\'t get rich if he takes proper care of his family.
The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.
I begin by taking. I shall find scholars later to demonstrate my perfect right.
One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is \'to be prepared\'.
Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die.
You can only find truth with logic if you have already found truth without it.
Death does not concern us, because as long as we exist, death is not here. And when it does come, we no longer exist.
A hen is only an egg痴 way of making another egg.
Look at you in war. There has never been a just one, never an honorable one, on the part of the instigator of the war.
If there is no Hell, a good many preachers are obtaining money under false pretences.
The belief in the possibility of a short decisive war appears to be one of the most ancient and dangerous of human illusions.
Anyone who starts a sentence, \'With all due respect ...\' is about to insult you.
Deliver yesterday, code today, think tomorrow.
I have four children which is not bad considering I\'m not a Catholic.
I could not possibly fail to disagree with you less.
Gravity cannot be held responsible for people falling in love.
All sorts of computer errors are now turning up. You\'d be surprised to know the number of doctors who claim they are treating pregnant men.
When ideas fail, words come in very handy.
I am not young enough to know everything.
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.
Instead, I was a painter, and became Picasso.
Most people would sooner die than think; in fact, they do so.
Democracy is where you can say what you think even if you don\'t think.
We all agree that your theory is crazy, but is it crazy enough?
Politically Correct UNIX System VI Release notes
Gigerenzer\'s Law of Indispensable Ignorance: The world cannot function without partially ignorant people.
We will not learn how to live together in peace by killing each other\'s children.
Honolulu, it\'s got everything. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, and sharks for the wife\'s mother.
The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology.
Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.
When you hear hoofbeats, think of horses, not zebras.
The graveyards are full of indispensable men.
The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.
Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you.
Having the source code is the difference between buying a house and renting an apartment.
If people can judge me on the company I keep, they would judge me with keeping really good company with Laura.
My advice to you is get married: if you find a good wife you\'ll be happy; if not, you\'ll become a philosopher.
If you were plowing a field, which would you rather use? Two strong oxen or 1024 chickens?
Thank you for sending me a copy of your book - I\'ll waste no time reading it.
A physicist is an atom\'s way of knowing about atoms.
Lohr\'s Law: The future is merely the past with a twist ? and better tools.
Pascal /n./ A programming language named after a man who would turn over in his grave if he knew about it.
All things are possible, except skiing through a revolving door.
I choose a block of marble and chop off whatever I don\'t need.
You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.
Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.
USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population.
Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!
The only difference between me and a madman is that I\'m not mad.
If it wasn\'t for lawyers, we wouldn\'t need them.
We will not learn how to live together in peace by killing each other\'s children.
Many a man\'s reputation would not know his character if they met on the street.
The chain reaction of evil -- wars producing more wars -- must be broken, or we shall be plunged into the dark abyss of annihilation.
Early to rise, Early to bed, Makes a man healthy but socially dead.
The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with.
In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.
The role of the president of the United States is to support the decisions that are made by the people of Israel. It is not up to us to pick and choose from among the political parties.
Write a wise word and your name will live forever.
The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.
You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.
Now, now my good man, this is no time for making enemies.
A little inaccuracy sometimes saves a ton of explanation.
Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two but can\'t remember what they are.
There are many kinds of people in the world. Are you one of them?
The internet is not something you just dump something on. It\'s not a truck. It\'s a series of tubes!
Biologically speaking, if something bites you it\'s more likely to be female.
Don\'t stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.
There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably diserable.
The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don\'t have it.
In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is.
Early to rise, Early to bed, Makes a man healthy but socially dead.
Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths theater.
Talk sense to a fool and he calls you foolish.
I\'m living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart.
We\'re going to turn this team around 360 degrees.
If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.
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Mit der Dummheit k?mpfen G?tter selbst vergebens
I agree with the reforms, but I want nothing to change
From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
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The trouble with the Internet is that it\'s replacing masturbation as a leisure activity.
Obstacles are those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.
We didn\'t lose the game; we just ran out of time.
In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it\'s the exact opposite.
If you think it\'s simple, then you have misunderstood the problem.
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Outside of a dog, a book is man\'s best friend. Inside of a dog, it\'s too dark to read.
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Thank you for sending me a copy of your book - I\'ll waste no time reading it.
A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both.
A pint of sweat, saves a gallon of blood.
The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting.
Diplomacy is the art of saying \'Nice doggie!\'... \'til you can find a rock.
How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?
I know that there are people in this world who do not love their fellow human beings, and I hate people like that.
As nightfall does not come at once, neither does oppression. In both instances, there is a twilight when everything remains unchanged. And it is in such twilight that we all must be most aware of change in the air however slight lest we become unwitting victims of the darkness.
Politicians are like diapers. They should be changed often, and for the same reason.
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I have yet to meet a C compiler that is more friendly and easier to use than eating soup with a knife.
I\'m Jewish. I don\'t work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor.
If there is no Hell, a good many preachers are obtaining money under false pretences.
To understand a man you should walk a mile in his shoes. If what he says still bothers you that\'s ok because you\'ll be a mile away from him and you\'ll have his shoes.
A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said \'no\'.
Experience is what you get when you were expecting something else.
Raymond\'s Law of Software: Given a sufficiently large number of eyeballs, all bugs are shallow.
A sense of humor is part of the art of leadership, of getting along with people, of getting things done.
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Never test for an error condition you don\'t know how to handle.
Everybody wants to go to heaven, but nobody wants to die.
\'Everything you say is boring and incomprehensible\', she said, \'but that alone doesn\'t make it true.\'
Death is a low chemical trick played on everybody except sequoia trees.
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedies.
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Quoting Coulter is kind of like quoting Joe McCarthy; no doubt it does well when you\'re pandering to a group of like-minded hate mongerers, but it earns you a well-deserved reputation as a vicious, mean-spirited airhead and intellecual lightweight in more analytical and dispassionate circles.
Pardon him, Theodotus; he is a barbarian, and thinks that the customs of his tribe and island are the laws of nature.
The only one listening to both sides of an argument is the neighbor in the next apartment
Now, now my good man, this is no time for making enemies.
God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.
We don\'t make mistakes, we just have happy little accidents.
Anyone who considers arithmetical methods of producing random digits is, of course, in a state of sin.
Instead, I was a painter, and became Picasso.
Be nice to people on your way up because you meet them on your way down.
It was the experience of mystery -- even if mixed with fear -- that engendered religion.
Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
UNIX is basically a simple operating system, but you have to be a genius to understand the simplicity.
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Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
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Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.
Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.
When I am dead, I hope it may be said: \'His sins were scarlet but his books were read.
Physics is not a religion. If it were, we\'d have a much easier time raising money.
The shepherd always tries to persuade the sheep that their interests and his own are the same.
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If the United Nations once admits that international disputes can be settled by using force, then we will have destroyed the foundation of the organization and our best hope of establishing a world order.
I was playing poker the other night... with Tarot cards. I got a full house and 4 people died.
How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?
Don\'t drive me crazy -- it\'s within walking distance.
I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.
Gravity cannot be held responsible for people falling in love.
I was raised in the West. The west of Texas. It\'s pretty close to California. In more ways than Washington, D.C., is close to California.
Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe.
The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently
You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus.
So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up and he said \'You\'ve been promoted\'. And I swerved. And then he rang up a second time and said \'You\'ve been promoted again\'. And I swerved again. He rang up a third time and said \'You\'re managing director.\' And I went into a tree. And a policeman came up and said \'What happened to you?\' And I Said \'I careered off the road.\'
A husband is what is left of the lover after the nerve has been extracted.
A [pseudo]random number generator is much like sex: when it\'s good it\'s wonderful, and when it\'s bad it\'s still pretty good.
A radioactive cat has eighteen half-lives.
Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it.
Is it not a strange blindness on our part to teach publicly the techniques of warfare and to reward with medals those who prove to be the most adroit killers?
I think \'Hail to the Chief\' has a nice ring to it.
They laughed when I said I\'d be a comedian. They aren\'t laughing now.
The bureaucracy is expanding to meet the needs of an expanding bureaucracy.
He had decided to live forever or die in the attempt.
Is it not a strange blindness on our part to teach publicly the techniques of warfare and to reward with medals those who prove to be the most adroit killers?
We are not retreating - we are advancing in another Direction.
I can write better than anybody who can write faster, and I can write faster than anybody who can write better.
I\'m not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president.
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
Show me a sane man and I will cure him for you.
I\'ve always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.
To understand a man you should walk a mile in his shoes. If what he says still bothers you that\'s ok because you\'ll be a mile away from him and you\'ll have his shoes.
If electricity comes from electrons, does that mean that morality comes from morons?
Democracy is where you can say what you think even if you don\'t think.
Humor is a rubber sword - it allows you to make a point without drawing blood.
The most important job is not to be Governor, or First Lady in my case.
If you put tomfoolery into a computer, nothing comes out of it but tomfoolery. But this tomfoolery, having passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow enobled and no-one dares criticize it.
Death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down. The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone and no one is going to make fun of you.
All sorts of computer errors are now turning up. You\'d be surprised to know the number of doctors who claim they are treating pregnant men.
It is now possible for a flight attendant to get a pilot pregnant.
The great thing about a computer notebook is that no matter how much you stuff into it, it doesn\'t get bigger or heavier.
If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?
Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.
Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
To err is human -- and to blame it on a computer is even more so.
最終更新日 : 2012/01/29/(Sun) 06:15
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